Review: Aboard the Raging Queen...er, Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl.

It's hard to tell who's to blame for the screwiness in Pirates of the Caribbean. The flick has a plot, which is more than you can say for most of the "films" out right now, and as pirate stories go it seems to make sense, at least enough to carry you along for a few minutes. The problem is completely due to the acting of Johnny Depp. You have to wonder what he's going for as he plays the lead as a very swishy drunken fellow. At first I thought he was going for the Peter O'Toole character in "My Favorite Year", and then it looked like he was trying to do Whoopi Goldberg. Then I remembered the classic SNL skit about the Raging Queen. By no means is "Pirates of the Caribbean" on the same level comedy-wise, believe it. Even the little kids in the audience didn't find much to laugh at here.

However, it wasn't Garrett Morris or John Belushi's characters that Depp is trying to imitate either. He wears an awful lot of black eye shadow to go with the gold teeth, yet you never see him applying the mascara. Depp has the same level of make up as Dr. Frankenfurter in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". In the SNL skit about the Raging Queen, the crew is searching for pirates. "Yoo Hoo! Pirates!" they cry plaintively. Depp's character appears to be what they were hoping for. I could talk about the story, or the other characters, or the addition of men wearing dresses to the film. However, there's really no point. Orlando Bloom does a fine job, as do Geoffrey Rush and Keira Knightly. Depp's performance brings down an otherwise average film to a much lower level. How low? Rent the video when it comes out, if you must.

The Frequency improves. Yesterday, as you well know, OD and Queesy snuffed it. There are important lessons to be gained; the main one is that even if you hole up in a concrete building with bullet proof glass and arm yourself with automatic weapons, a visitor with a Kiowa helicopter firing lots of missiles will still manage to crash your party.

This major article for fans of The Big Lebowski is a must read.

Enjoy!